Wow. Convention was awesome. I’m so well stocked in “stuff” for the next year, I came back excited and ready to get started (well, maybe after actually unpacking), and even more, the HUBBY came back excited and motivated about homeschooling! We have had some great discussions this weekend, all prompted by just being at the Homeschool Convention and things we heard. It was great.
And of course, Sunday rolled around and the adrenaline wore off, and I was WIPED OUT. I could have slept all day long if the kids had let me. As it was, I sat on the couch like a bump on a log (in between napping) most of the day. Mentally, I was just spent.
So, today being Monday, we’re back in the swing of things. After getting a slow start to things this morning, I sat down to my first order of business — working on my Bible study prep and devotional time.
I have to admit, I was strongly tempted to start blogging on all things from convention first. I have about a million post ideas just swirling around in my head, and I am dying to get them down on paper. Not to mention the million other writing projects that actually NEED to be done and probably should have been done weeks ago. I’ve got a backlog a mile long.
And the house is a mess, bags from this weekend are still all over the living room, in various states of unpacked-ness. The fancy coffee pot died the day before we left for HEAV and refuses to turn back on. (We had been hoping that it would miraculously heal itself while we were gone. No such luck.) There is no fresh produce or anything in the house, and by the way, we’re running low on toilet paper, so grocery shopping is moving quite high on the Must-Do list. I took several days off work so I have clients clamoring for attention. Not to mention that our youngest has about 3-4 weeks of her kindergarten curriculum left before I can call an official end to this school year. And don’t get me started on the laundry backed up.
These things will never end. They keep coming back day after day, minute after minute. It is so easy to just put off study “just a little” or “let me get this out of the way first” or “I’ll do it later.” It’s the never-ending battle of urgent vs. important.
And in living this battle of trying to put the important before the urgent, I have started to look back this weekend and see where I am allowing the important to slip back from its God-given place in the order of priority. My own prayer and devotional time (not my prepping for Bible study time) has slipped into wherever I can fill it in between the cracks. I have skipped really delving into our regular prayer and Bible devotional time at the beginning of schooltime “because the oldest needs to get those blasted math facts down and I have very limited time to do school today.” And for me, most importantly, I need “pondering time” in order to process what I’m reading and studying in the Word. That has gone completely by the wayside just from complete lack of time, and a lack of “aloneness.” (I just can’t think when I’m within 100 feet of the kids. I can’t get the mommy-brain to shut off.)
I can totally see the effects of not making room for the “first things”. Or by shoving the “first” into first place, but squeezing it into such a tiny slot that I end up skimming or only getting a surface understanding, rather than letting it burrow down deep in my gut and letting it begin to talk to me.
I feel rushed and hurried and stressed, constantly. My temper and patience are shortened, and I’ve lost my enjoyment of my girls in some respects, in my constant rush of “come on, can’t you hurry up and finish your room so we can _(get done whatever is next on my list)_.” My girls are starting to notice as well, and it’s rubbing off on them, as attitudes are beginning to make an appearance and my relationship with each of them has started to erode just a bit. I saw evidence of this while at HEAV, when I realized that my daughter was actually scared to tell us something because she was more worried about getting in trouble rather than getting help. And that is just something that just won’t do.
I’ve got to do better.
My To-Do list will never get done, the laundry will never go away, and school and housework is a constant juggling act. Frankly, my day, (until we win the lottery and I get a full-time housekeeper, chef, handyman, and personal assistant) is not going to let up. Ever. It’s just not. And except for the cleaning and the laundry, I’m okay with that. Would I want anything else on my list to go away? No, not really. That is the part of my life that I enjoy, brings purpose and meaning and joy, and frankly, is FUN.
So, my goal this summer is to live more PURPOSE-FULL-Y. To focus on really listening and praying through my day, not so much focused on improving my own attitude and character, instead of the girls. To quit living by the time-clock, to any extent possible.
And also, to get rid of all those things that have been bogging down my list for ages. That would also be quite a pressure reliever.