Tag Archives: Devotional Time

A Well Watered Woman

05 Thursday Nov 2015

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While searching my Pinterest account for inspiration this morning I came across this post today:

 

Oh to be a “well watered woman!”

What does that mean to me???

Being “well watered” makes me think of being full. Full to the brim. Full to the point where where my cup runneth over.

Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

 

Oh, wouldn’t that be awesome? I long for that, after days of pouring out and pouring out and becoming dry and thirsty. Don’t you??

And I think this requires a mental change more than anything. Because pouring out, the pouring out that we women do is like a watering can. We pour into others’ lives over and over until there is nothing left. I think society, our culture, and heck, perhaps even the “church” tells us that’s what we are supposed to do. That’s what a “good little Christian woman” looks like. We are told that’s giving our all, and that’s the mark of a good Christian life.

Except it’s not.

In reality that turns into us living in an environment of scarcity. We are so empty all the time and we frantically run around trying to fill ourselves up. With something. Anything. Because we believe our value comes from that act of pouring out. You see this in Christian circles – those are the women who are running themselves ragged trying to do and be. You see evidence of this in our society as well; why else would you constantly see articles about “me time” or how a 10 minute bubble bath will help you recharge after a long day??

I fall into this trap constantly, and I bet I’m not the only one. This frenetic race to rush, rush, rush. Put something, anything, back into that cup before someone wants me to pour in their lives again. It’s a vicious, vicious trap that ensnares us into thinking our value comes from only what we can give.

But look at that idea of “a cup running over” again.

It’s so full. So full that extra spills out.

It can’t help but spill out onto the ground around it.

The spilling out doesn’t take away from the fullness, it’s a byproduct. You can’t run over unless you are over-full.

And what has the cup done?

Absolutely nothing. Nothing but sit still and be open and willing to be filled.

I at first wanted to call this a spirit of generosity (to play on the word scarcity), but I don’t think I really can. It’s really the spirit of being still before God and being open to being filled.

That’s the real opposite of that scarcity world.

It’s not our job, ladies, to go out and DO. We can do and do and do until our cup falls apart, but only Christ can spill that life-giving water into the right places. 0Only Christ can save.

How much of our doing is our attempt to do enough to be worthy of our salvation? To make up for just being a cup and not the water itself?

I really think that Christ WANTS to give us that life more abundant. He came for that, after all.

Christ wants to lead us into fields where our most basic needs are met.
He wants to restore our souls and He wants to lead us where he wants to be.
Once we are there, He wants to protect us. He wants to guard us and comfort us.
He wants to prepare us feasts in the midst of our battles. He wants our enemies to watch us dine on His richness while they waiting to attack.
He wants to cover us in His blessings. He wants to fill us with his love and mercy and grace SO MUCH that that it just spills out and there is no way that anyone around us can help but be touched by His life giving water.
He just wants us to live with him. He hasn’t asked us to do anything, but to be open.
To be.
To be the cup.

When we can let go of our need to be the one to do, and be willing to be open, Christ will rush in to fill us. When we can step back from our need to get the accolades from the work, Christ can use us to pour out, with no help from us at all, to the world around us.

Being still is absolutely the hardest thing in our culture to do. That’s why it’s so powerful and revolutionary.

What do you think? What does being a well watered woman mean to you?

Who Needs to Breathe?

08 Tuesday Sep 2015

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And so, another homeschool year has begun.

We’ll talk about my insane summer another day, but suffice it to say, it wasn’t the relaxing period of rest I’d been hoping for. Constantly being slammed from one thing to the next, I would close my eyes and think, “I wish breathing was even on the horizon.”

I can’t be the only gal out here like this!

After a year of being tempest-tossed and feeling like I have no anchor, I know that I have to make my own.

This year, I am working with the girls to learn how to do their own devotional quiet time as part of our schooling, since they are at an age where they can start handling it now. This might leave me a few minutes where I can do a bit of devotional time of my own! (Or at least that is the idea.)

I am going to do this Bible study on my own because my schedule is such I can’t even make a Bible study in person right now. But I NEED IT. Forget that deer panting for water, I am desperately  just trying to keep my head up for air!

Do any of you relate?

(Puh-lease say you do!)

Would you like to join me in a “virtual” Bible Study?

This is what you need to do:

1. Order the book on Amazon or Lifeway.

2. Order the videos on Lifeway.

I will try to set up a “web conference” time where we can virtually get together and just talk about our thoughts/experiences and what we’re learning, spreading each “week” over two weeks, for discussion time! You’ll be responsible for the reading and study, and watching the video in the two weeks prior to the videochat. I’ll facilitate and keep us on topic, more or less. We’ll all discuss what God is putting on our hearts as we read. What do you think?

It’s everything you get in a Bible Study, BUT you don’t have to drive in bad weather, can wear your jammies, and scarf down all the chocolate you have in your house all at the same time!

Post in the comments if you’re in, and let me know! I’d really love the company!

Show me . . . . How/Where You Do Your Devotional Time.!

14 Tuesday Apr 2015

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For more information about our new “Show Me” Series, go here.
Welcome to our “Show Me” series! Your link-up can be just a picture, or pictures with explanation. Or just explanation if you’re like me when taking the picture and actually getting it uploaded might mean you’d miss out!
The goal of this linkup is fun, though some might have a homeschool bent. If you don’t homeschool, please feel free to participate anyway and show us how that “show me” theme pertains to you and your home! And if we can share some tips and cool brainstorming ideas along the way — EVEN BETTER!

This week’s theme is “Show Me How/Where You Do Your Devotional Time.

 

 

As you can see, I have no picture. Because I am confessing I’ve fallen completely off the devotional time bandwagon.

Part of that is because of adjusting to the move, which I think is finally happening now. (Um, ten months later.) Every move means adjustments to house layouts and to family schedules, which means my how/where much change. What worked at the last place won’t necessarily work here. I’m still trying things, and attempting to find my full groove. Some things are finally starting to click and work well. My devotional time just . . . isn’t.

I know I’m entirely too busy. I have about twenty too many things on my plate. I know I’m not participating in a group Bible study (see above). I haven’t quite found my “tribe” there yet, so to speak, though I’ve not put much effort into it (see beginning of this paragraph). I’ve not even quite found a study that I want to do.

A bigger part is that I’ve been struggling with some stuff spiritually. I’m dealing with things. Don’t worry – there’s nothing that you need to worry about. It’s just . . .  life. It would be so much easier if I really only saw 2 sides -black or white, this way or that. But life is made up of so much more gray murkiness, and right now today in this season of life I’m just trying to feel my way through. I feel like I’m being pulled by the current a bit, rather than swimming it under my own power. Normally, I wouldn’t “settle” for this, but for right now, it’s what I’ve got.

So confessing this to you guys is just as much as about being as truthful and honest with you guys as giving myself a bit of grace. I’ve learned, as my type-A-recovering self, that I have to accept those times where I don’t have it all together. It is what it is.

As long as IT doesn’t stay that way.

 

Be sure to check out some of my friend’s posts!

Amy at Http://homegrownhatfields.wordpress.com
Michelle at http://homeschoolerontheedge.crookers.com/
Kyndra at http://kyndrasteinmann.com

Join us and post your link in the comments! Be sure to check out everyone else’s posts!

2013 Gratitude Challenge, Day #1

01 Friday Nov 2013

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Today I am thankful for dear sweet friends who have come to visit. We have been friends for such a long time, and have been able to renew our friendship. They were able to come down this weekend and stay with us for a short time. Plus, our girls adore each other as well!

Join us in the 2013 Gratitude challenge and follow others that are participating HERE.

First Things First, with Patience

28 Monday Oct 2013

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My Bible study this morning is dealing with God’s patience, and I have to confess I’m having a bit of difficulty getting it to sink in (beyond head knowledge into heart knowledge).

I did not grow up in a “patient” house. I am not naturally a “patient” person, and not that slow to anger, either. As Priscilla Shirer says, “Powerful people can be most intolerant of others’ weaknesses.” And as I see my own tendencies playing that out, I also see that in the impatience of the city I live in, and the impatience and intolerance of our country and culture.

And yet,

The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out, (I am) “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.” – Exodus 34:6 (nlt)

Time and time again, we see God granting mercy and patience on His people. Especially in the story of Gideon – what we call remarkable restraint is just another normal day to God. God is obviously quite used to us humans by now.

It’s so hard to translate that when we look at it with our human experience. How do we convert this holy mystery into our daily view? How do we live out that patience ourselves? How in the world can we, when it’s so foreign to our normal existence?

I think of when I’m being my most impatient – and it’s at those times that I’m showing the opposite of God’s love. Impatience has roots in pride a bit, don’t you think? We want what we want when we want it, and why don’t we already have it, and why are you doing whatever it is you’re doing that’s inconveniencing me.

This is what the world sees in us. What our kids see in us.

And that is sobering.

Obviously patience is completely impossible on our own. It can only be done when we are filled with God’s power. He is the God of compassion and mercy! And how much easier is to be patient we we are filled with that compassion and mercy. How much easier is it to patient when we are filled with His understanding. When I am able to focus on sharing that compassion, mercy and understanding – His holy LOVE, then the endurance and patience naturally flows. Effortlessly.

We also pray that you will be strengthened with all His glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy! – Colossians 1:11 (nlt)

Please share with me your thoughts – how do you practice patience? What has worked for you in increasing your patience levels?

Ordinary Becoming Extraordniary

23 Wednesday Oct 2013

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I’ve been leading our Women’s Bible study group at church on Wednesday evenings, and we’ve been working our way through Priscilla Shirer’s Gideon. (If you’re looking for a new study, you should really check this out, by the way. IT IS AWESOME. And did I mention how awesome it is?)

I wanted to share this particular quote with you:

Today’s tasks-even the most mundane of them-are often preparation for tomorrow’s calling. They can carry clues to what He is leading us to learn and accomplish as we faithfully serve Him. 

While it might seems comical to find spiritual principle in washing dishes or answering phones at your desk job, God is teaching you faithfulness, diligence, and integrity through every task.  . . . If we take the time to look closely, we might discover that God is using these normal activities to prepare us for future tasks, each duty point to His blessings in our lives.

Sometimes a lesson is teaching us so much more than just that lesson, isn’t it? In homeschool, it might be convincing a child to finish that math worksheet – not just to do the work for a grade or for busy work, but to learn the life lesson of perseverance, and doing your best work every time.

Sometimes that lesson is not just eating the stash of Halloween candy I bought on sale last week. Not just because I’ll need all that next week for the hordes that will come to our front door, but also to practice self-discipline and maintain good health.

When I look at the mundane that I do every day – frankly the stuff in my head I call the drudgery – I can look back on the learning of that lesson in my own life, and how it has prepared me for my “now.” Being required to do lots of chores as a kid? Work ethic and family team work. Doing those chores to my slightly-OCD parents’ exact wishes? Strong attention to detail and an appreciation for doing the job right. Being required to do the chore again until it was done correctly? Getting things done right the first time.

As an adult now, I can see how God is using my daily day-to-day to build me and prepare me for what lies ahead. In fact, by looking at what that list encompasses, sometimes I feel as I’ve getting a glimpse of what is coming and I am intrigued by what that actually might be!

Are you wondering what that picture might be for you? Here is a fun exercise that might help you start putting the puzzle pieces together.

1. What are the routine tasks that are filling your to-do list right now?

2. What skills or lessons do you see that God might be trying to teach you through these tasks? (If this seems difficult to answer, try to think about your recent past. What life lessons did God teach you recently – that perhaps came through dealing with your day-to-day?)

3. Write those lessons in a list. Do they begin to create a picture? For example, here is mine:

  • Strong time management, stronger budgeting skills and financial skills
  • Extra depth of business knowledge and experience
  • Self-confidence in professional experiences
  • Expanded writing reach
  • Role model professionally for my girls
  • Sharing my spiritual experiences with other women
  • Continuing maturity of my girls and my close relationship with them
  • Focusing on priorities and putting first things first
  • Peace and new reliance on God

No, I’m not quite sure of what these things will add up to be. But I can see how God is using the craziness to teach me new things and bring new blessings in my life now and and in the future.

If we do not focus on thanking God for instead of whining about the mundane, we might not ever have our eyes opened to see how God is moving in our lives and what He is trying to prepare us for in the future.

Silence

16 Monday Sep 2013

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I read this article I received in the mail this morning from “Gospel for Asia” and wanted to share it with you. How is the article impacting you?

More than we may realize, very little do we really know God and hear Him. Sometimes when I am in an airport, I find myself turning up the volume on my cellphone as high as I can because the gate announcer is screaming, but still I can’t hear. Unless the noises around us are eliminated, we simply can’t hear the person on the other end.

“Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me. Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child is my soul within me.” (Psalm 131:1-2)

Recently, I have been studying about knowing God and about prayer, and I’ve come upon this passage. Although I don’t have many regrets in my life, maybe one of the most serious regrets is not always taking the time to quiet myself before the Lord and hear what He has to say. Even when we pray, our minds can be like a a drama with multiple voices talking, arguing, thinking, making multiple mental notes–and God stands outside, desperately wanting us to hear His still, small voice.

Silence is the loudest prayer we can offer, because in silence the Holy Spirit reveals Christ’s current burdens to us. We then respond back to Him — sometimes without even fully understanding the prayers we pray.

I encourage you to take the time to be silent before the Lord and to listen for His voice. You will be surprised to hear God speaking things you haven’t heard before. And you will pray for things you never prayed before. For a world that is waiting to hear of Christ’s love, God is saying to us, “I am looking for someone to be still, be silent.” He is looking for someone who will try to find out what He is saying.

Thank you for standing in the gap through your prayers and support to see God’s kingdom advanced in Asia. I hope that as you will continue praying, you reflect on how He will use you for His glory.

– K.P. Yohannan

First Things First

08 Monday Jul 2013

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Happy Monday Morning all! And no, I did not get out of bed before you. Ha! Actually, I wrote this Sunday afternoon, to make sure I got it done so you could read it first thing Monday morning!

These verses were the topic of our sermon this Sunday, and I thought I’d share them with you. Actually, I thought I’d share them with you in the way I heard them – almost like God was thumping me over the head with the message!

Understand this, dear mothers: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Mommy anger does not produce the righteousness God desires in you or your children. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your own lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your own hearts, for it has the power to save your souls, and the souls of your children.             – James 1:19-21

If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue with your family or anyone else around you, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.                               – James 1:26

Yeah, you see where I get convicted, right?

Patience has never been a virtue I’ve had in abundance. Apparently, God must have taken me at my word on day when I threw my hands up in the air and said, “God, grant me patience!” And what did he do? He gave me an ADHD husband and child, and well, just children in general. Sometimes it feels like God develops patience in me just like callouses are developed – rubbing abrasive substances on your nerves until they start to develop a thicker coat of skin!

A callus is a thick, hardened layer of skin that has developed as a means of protecting itself from repeated use. While calluses are protective, they can also be unsightly and irritating. However, if you repeat the activity that caused the calluses, they can redevelop once again. (ehow.com)

And when those callouses get a little thin, I tend to get “short.” Short in patience leads to short in temper. Which leads to short fuses and long, loud, irritated diatribes from Mommy. Even James here points out the obvious: anger does not produce the real heart changes you want.

I personally believe that Mommy’s spiritual state is the barometer of the family. In fact, I’ve seen evidence in our family: if I “take a few weeks off” from my own Bible study and prayer time, everyone else in the family is affected. I admit, since our Wednesday night Bible study has taken a few weeks of break, I have too. Since I started working again, even my Bible study has taken a back seat to “things that HAVE to get done” and ends up being squeezed into and leftover nooks and crannies.  Satan so easily can make us mothers feel like our quiet time is OPTIONAL.

And man, has that optional-ness been making our house one cranky place lately. Of course, a lack of sleep and a super busy schedule hasn’t been helping much either.

Mommas out there, just like in an airplane, we’ve got to get our own oxygen masks on FIRST. Before we can breathe life into our own children’s lives, we’ve got to inhale the air God gives us to do that with!

Not that I believe my children’s faults and since are my own faults and sins (which leads to a sort of co-dependency), but I do believe, at least at their young age, that a mother’s influence and heart are strong. That’s why James is so literal and clear here. “Get rid of all the filth and evil in your own lives.”  We need to be reminded constantly that our children are watching us as role models.

In addition, the how we handle those sins in our children can have great affect on on exactly what they learn. Are they learning to behave “or else?” Or are the lessons about living for God and in a way that pleases God (instead of what makes Mommy look good) truly being implanted?

It needs to go further than the outward showing of behavior, because frankly,  kids are smart. They know if what we say is truly planted in our own hearts. When it’s not, they can smell the hypocrisy a mile away. Your religion, your outward trappings, literally become worthless.

So, this week I’m resolving to take my tongue under control. Not only do I plan to focus on be breathing in the Word of God and filling my life with His oxygen. I’m going to focus on breathing out that Word and that Love of God into my children’s days. At convention, Michelle Duggar says that she tries to praise each of her children 3-5 times per day. (Goodness, if she can do that for 19 children, I can certainly do that for two.) I’m looking forward to meditating on these verses in the next few days and see what more God has for me to learn.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Perhaps you’d like to join me in this challenge this week?

First Things First . . . Recovering from Convention!

10 Monday Jun 2013

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Wow. Convention was awesome. I’m so well stocked in “stuff” for the next year, I came back excited and ready to get started (well, maybe after actually unpacking), and even more, the HUBBY came back excited and motivated about homeschooling! We have had some great discussions this weekend, all prompted by just being at the Homeschool Convention and things we heard. It was great.

And of course, Sunday rolled around and the adrenaline wore off, and I was WIPED OUT. I could have slept all day long if the kids had let me. As it was, I sat on the couch like a bump on a log (in between napping) most of the day. Mentally, I was just spent.

So, today being Monday, we’re back in the swing of things. After getting a slow start to things this morning, I sat down to my first order of business — working on my Bible study prep and devotional time.

I have to admit, I was strongly tempted to start blogging on all things from convention first. I have about a million post ideas just swirling around in my head, and I am dying to get them down on paper. Not to mention the million other writing projects that actually NEED to be done and probably should have been done weeks ago. I’ve got a backlog a mile long.

And the house is a mess, bags from this weekend are still all over the living room, in various states of unpacked-ness. The fancy coffee pot died the day before we left for HEAV and refuses to turn back on. (We had been hoping that it would miraculously heal itself while we were gone. No such luck.) There is no fresh produce or anything in the house, and by the way, we’re running low on toilet paper, so grocery shopping is moving quite high on the Must-Do list. I took several days off work so I have clients clamoring for attention. Not to mention that our youngest has about 3-4 weeks of her kindergarten curriculum left before I can call an official end to this school year. And don’t get me started on the laundry backed up.

These things will never end. They keep coming back day after day, minute after minute. It is so easy to just put off study “just a little” or “let me get this out of the way first” or “I’ll do it later.” It’s the never-ending battle of urgent vs. important.

And in living this battle of trying to put the important before the urgent, I have started to look back this weekend and see where I am allowing the important to slip back from its God-given place in the order of priority. My own prayer and devotional time (not my prepping for Bible study time) has slipped into wherever I can fill it in between the cracks. I have skipped really delving into our regular prayer and Bible devotional time at the beginning of schooltime “because the oldest needs to get those blasted math facts down and I have very limited time to do school today.” And for me, most importantly, I need “pondering time” in order to process what I’m reading and studying in the Word. That has gone completely by the wayside just from complete lack of time, and a lack of “aloneness.” (I just can’t think when I’m within 100 feet of the kids. I can’t get the mommy-brain to shut off.)

I can totally see the effects of not making room for the “first things”. Or by shoving the “first” into first place, but squeezing it into such a tiny slot that I end up skimming or only getting a surface understanding, rather than letting it burrow down deep in my gut and letting it begin to talk to me.

I feel rushed and hurried and stressed, constantly. My temper and patience are shortened, and I’ve lost my enjoyment of my girls in some respects, in my constant rush of “come on, can’t you hurry up and finish your room so we can _(get done whatever is next on my list)_.” My girls are starting to notice as well, and it’s rubbing off on them, as attitudes are beginning to make an appearance and my relationship with each of them has started to erode just a bit. I saw evidence of this while at HEAV, when I realized that my daughter was actually scared to tell us something because she was more worried about getting in trouble rather than getting help. And that is just something that just won’t do.

I’ve got to do better.

My To-Do list will never get done, the laundry will never go away, and school and housework is a constant juggling act. Frankly, my day, (until we win the lottery and I get a full-time housekeeper, chef, handyman, and personal assistant) is not going to let up. Ever. It’s just not. And except for the cleaning and the laundry, I’m okay with that. Would I want anything else on my list to go away? No, not really. That is the part of my life that I enjoy, brings purpose and meaning and joy, and frankly, is FUN.

So, my goal this summer is to live more PURPOSE-FULL-Y. To focus on really listening and praying through my day, not so much focused on improving my own attitude and character, instead of the girls. To quit living by the time-clock, to any extent possible.

And also, to get rid of all those things that have been bogging down my list for ages. That would also be quite a pressure reliever.

First Things First: Lord Teach Us to Pray

10 Monday Sep 2012

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You know when you’ve got a song stuck in your head and you can’t get it out?

Yeah. Me too.

And are you ever struck by how much God must really love irony?

Yup. Same here.

Me and a few ladies this summer have been going through Kelly Minter’s study, Nehemiah: a Heart That Can Break. It has been an amazing study that has just been fascinatingly and uniquely relevant to each of our lives.

Last week we were supposed to cover week 5, which is specifically about the prayer of the Jewish people, after the rebuilding of the wall in Jeruselum, which is apparently the longest recorded prayer in the Old Testament. (Nehemiah 9:1-35) Well, of course last week got busy, and few of us got much done. (I didn’t open my book!) So we just chatted, ate, kept the kids from destroying the house, and promised to do better next time. Needless to say, yesterday was Sunday and I still hadn’t started!

And then Sunday morning I woke up with this song stuck in my head. It’s on my iPod, sure, but it’s not one I listen to regularly. I don’t even know the last time I heard this song!

(And I forgot to mention – our Sunday School class retreat last weekend? Yeah, that was on prayer, too.)

And where does all the irony come in?

Well, Friday one of these gals asked me to lead a Bible study this fall, because she wasn’t quite enthused about any of the upcoming options.

And I actually said, “Okay. But I don’t know what we should study. What do you think?”

Well, okay, I at least think it’s funny! God knows I love irony and His sense of humor!

So, to add to my list of crazy busy this fall, I’m now about to create a study on prayer. And I’m strangely calm about it. Frankly, it just seems like all the stars are in alignment and this is just all falling into place nice and neatly.

What I do feel is a little bit of trepidation, not about the class itself, but about what will happen when we start this class. Prayer is going on the offense against Satan, and I know he is going to come at me and my “assistants” (because yeah, they said they’d help and I’m holding them to it!) with all the force he can muster. I can already tell that we are on the right track because this morning my back has completely seized up in knots and as soon as I got the word that this class was a go, I came down with a massive sinus headache. You know the kind – the one where all you can think of is just going to bed???? Yeah. So obviously, he’s already gotten the memo.

We (meaning me) still can’t decide on a specific book study to use, so I’m going to take a couple different options to Wednesday’s first meeting so we can all look at them together and see what happens. Right now I have a pile of about 20 books at the side of my bed, all on prayer. At least for the first session, I plan to pull from several different books and turn the hodge-podge into a lesson.

Egads. This is either going to be amazing or completely embarrassing. Thank you God, that all you ask for is “willing.”
As for the rest of this week? I’m swamped under with the plumber coming in a half-hour for a tub that won’t stop running, a house that is trashed, homeschool work, homeschool co-op every Tuesday, Bible study on Wednesdays, trying to get in as much work in as I can so we can continue to pay the bills, and occasionally seeing my hubby which I hope will look like more than two ships passing in the night. I covet your prayers for health, direction, and walls of protection around my family.