http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vkdUJGaBqI&feature=plcp

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You’re here
You’re real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
You steady my heart

I’m not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of my hand
Each and every moment
What’s good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

But You’re here
You’re real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
You steady my heart

And I will run to You
You’re my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart
You steady my heart

Even when it hurts
Even when it’s hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
You steady my heart

I’m not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of my hand

I finally got around to updating my iPod and ordering Kari Jobe’s newest CD. And man, was this song timely and so needed! I just keep listening over and over, kindof like my mantra these past few days.

The weekend was good and it was cool getting to go to a home school convention. Yet at the same time, it was very hard because my husband wasn’t there and I really wanted to share that experience with him. I am not handling this separation as well as I did the past ones, I’m afraid. And then, coming home and thinking Sunday would be better because we would be home, and well, it just wasn’t. Not that anything bad happened, it was just one of those “overwhelmed” days. I think honestly I just just been trying to be “supportive” for too long and it had just built up and been bottled up for far too long, and listening to the speakers over the past few days just shook it all loose. Have you guys ever gone through that? Please tell me you have, so I’m not the only crazy one!

So today, with some sleep and some coffee, I am determined to try yet again. One thing that came up for me yesterday during my secret cryfest during naptime, was that I think I need to forgive God. I know, right? God doesn’t need forgiveness, at all, and at first the thought felt preposterous. But, I realized that I am ANGRY still, angry that my life isn’t going the way it was supposed to be, that my decisions (so very carefully thought about and tested and prayed about) have worked out so very differently than they “should have.” And I’m still working my way through that resentment and “ticked-off-ness.” I kept asking for forgiveness for those feelings, but I need to accept and “forgive God” for not making any sense right now before I can release them and be free. I need to be able to trust that this all makes sense to Him, and He does have control of the situation and there IS a point and there IS a purpose. I am trying. I am going to go back to the Breaking Free book by Beth Moore and just start over, trying to work my through those verses again. And again. And again. And I’m going to just repeat the words of this song until finally it just sticks, and it all “works.”

Beyond that, this week is going to be filled nonstop. The girls will start their round of summer camps next week with two weeks of “church camp” (VBS is thrown in there as well). So I’m trying to get in as much school as I can this week before the melee starts. Then add in finishing unpacking, laundry, groceries, work, and just cleaning up the mess of this place, and I’m going to be a little gerbil on the wheel this week. Next week should be easier, with the girls and I have a MUCH NEEDED break from each other and I hope to get a lot of my writing and business work caught up and done in my free time then. I would really like to reward myself sometime soon with the chance to organize my scrapbooking stuff and possibly even scrapbooking???? Well, we’ll see if we can get to that point.

PS. If you are looking for how to imbed YouTube videos into WordPress, here are the instructions. And to format the song so the lines are spaced so far apart, look here. I’m mainly adding this here so I can find it again later! It’s amazing what you can find in the help section, LOL!